My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
