your thong is hanging out like whoa
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize