I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
