i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
