grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I've blown a few things in my day
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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