im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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