Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
