ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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