I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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