no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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