sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's never too late to be topless.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
