capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
