We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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