zippers are such a cool invention
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
