look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's never too late to be topless.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize