So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
