she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
