biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
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