piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
