R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
