jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
