i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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