Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
