Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
