WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
