Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
last night I used snow as a chaser
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
