How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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