so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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