I wannas sexs uuuuu
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
How external is "for external use only"?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
