I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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