your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
