I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
