Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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