wrigley field is MILF paradise
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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