can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
