i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you inspire me to be a worse person
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
