We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize