she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I cannot find my penis.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
