On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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