You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize