I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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