She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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