my sisters under your porch take her home
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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