You really coming over, don't trick.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
