Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
