I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
