sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize