you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
