Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
