Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
