shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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