When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
