considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
