I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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