I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
