She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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