at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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