he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
