I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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