He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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