So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
