I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
