i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
handjob tips. give me some.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize