i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
