I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
