he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You are a booty call, not a friend.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
