My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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