i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
