I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize