you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
