He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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