So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
