Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
operation have a gay friend backfired
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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