Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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