using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
