So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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