oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize