Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
