Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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