you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
