Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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