My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
