stop calling my apartment porn island.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
