i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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