I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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