I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
