then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
