Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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