we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize