Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
