Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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