Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize