When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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