I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I supernannyed him into submission
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize