this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
