I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
