too bad you live with your parents still
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
