i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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