I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
