dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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