i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
