hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize