I didn't shave. On purpose
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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