Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She bit a glass in half.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
