Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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