Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
