I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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