How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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